Be Yourself

This is a really good blog. I enjoy reading it and sometimes he really gets a question stuck in my brain. I ran into his article on Being Yourself, and that spawned a response on my part. Feel free to read his original post. My response started off short, but then evolved into something longer, which I felt fits as a blog post.

Here’s mine: Bumashki, papers, as my grandmother says. Although my family wasn’t pleased with my degree (Political Science, Sociology…what is that? What do you do with it? Now a lawyer, that’s a job) but at least it was a degree in which I had a high GPA in. My family is Russian-Jewish (even I was born in Moscow), so granny needs some bragging rights.

So being yourself is great. Although the cry “Just be Yourself!” is probably the hardest thing out there. Not only in being, but knowing. Well, who the hell am I? I think most people try to avoid that question, and thus have to wear masks. Masks are, after all, easier to deal with than the who am I question, but not easier to live with.

Reading your post, as it’s quite dear to my heart (and my head) I started wondering about who you are vs. who you want to be.

Advice

“The terrible thing about talking to yourself is not having a third person for a second opinion.”

- Zaira – The Lost Flamingoes of Bombay

Post-Grad Regrets

Ah, to know what I know now at the start of college.

I think everyone gets to a point in their life where they regret what they’ve studied in college.

Ah, just the chance, opportunity and resources that I could have maximized! Learning through the internet at home is way harder than being in a protected learning environment, and software is so expensive to buy. Well, I will see how this goes and if I get serious about graphic design then I will really go and take some courses in it.

At the same time, I’ve realized how much I enjoy learning and so I think from now on I will try to take a class every once in a while. I just feel so fulfilled when I have the structure.

Hey, it’s better than being useless.

The First Question

My host, Amit and I regularly ask each other probing questions. Tonight, three minutes ago, he really took the cake and asked me a question that I have not only never been asked, but have never thought about. The first, I understand, it hardly ever occurs that someone asks me something original. The latter is near impossible. I’ve mentioned before how preoccupied I am with being constantly prepared and running all scenarios in my mind. How I try to anticipate any and every situation. I try to make sure I have the perfect answer, ready and cocked at all times.

So in between talking about website design (I might be doing some Photoshop for him), religion (I just finished reading Osho’s The Secret) and whatever, he throws out this sucker punch:

What is the most beautiful fantasy you would like to have?

KORB – I’ll Be Gone

This is beyond kickass. Go watch and listen.

Seriously.

Soft Power

I have always felt and conducted myself this way. It’s hard sometimes. I feel that a lot of people in my life haven’t been supportive of this world/life view. Even people close to me have called me “naïve” or “childish” as if I wasn’t exposed to cruelty. Even people who adore this softness in me, or are only with me for it, still mock me about it. I see too many eyes that seem to say “Grow Up.”

I refuse to believe that growing up means growing cold.

In those same eyes, the frustrated expressions, I see other emotions. I see superiority “I’m more experienced than you” I’m holier than thou expressions. Screw you. You have no idea what I have gone through, for one. For two, I think a strong and seasoned person will, no matter what they’ve been through, still offer a friendly smile to the world. Some of the most gentlest and amazing people who I have met have gone through some horrible times in their lives. I don’t know if they are gentle because of their past, or in spite of it, but everyone that I have ever thought of being worth it, has gone through something. Strife made them grow, but not cold.

Yet, besides superiority, this shepherding act that everyone seems to put on “Oh no, she smiles and loves, we must protect her for her own good, she has no clue what the world is like yet”..through that I see fear.

I see people being afraid to be happy. Or worse, being afraid that it’s too late to be happy.

I see too many people trying to drag someone else down, just because its easier for them. Easier to be themselves. To not ask questions. To stay where they are and validate it.

If we are all in the hole, then none of us are responsible and no one can change.

Sheer Optimism

“The basis of optimism is sheer terror.”

- Oscar Wilde

Use Value

“No one is useless in this world who lightens the burden of another.”

- Charles Dickens

This quote actually makes me feel better. I used to cry about being useless and having no skills.

Updating updates

Just letting you know that I may be posting here instead more often as I’m traveling and I am trying to write more about it.
Sorry for the curtness, I’m quite the ill.

World vs. I

“I am very happy
Because I have conquered myself
And not the world.
I am very happy
Because I have loved the world
And not myself.”

- Sri Chinmoy