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Ah, anxiety, the currency of the modern age.

The Name of Power

I did it because any form of power comes with duties. I’m obliged to take responsibility for my power, to learn its effects – even unintentional ones – to see what it does to others when I’m not watching, to use it in the best way possible. Sometimes to relinquish it.

No it’s not some “elaborate Spiderman speech,” as my lover dubbed it when I emailed him that quote. It’s actually a guy speaking about why he took his wife’s last name when they got married. The article is short, and has sparked a lot of interesting conversations. Of course, I can’t wait till the day where it won’t. Where taking your wife’s last night isn’t something novel. Although, in homosexual couples, I wonder how this dynamic works. Do they hyphenate? Does one change their name? Do names matter as much? I’m weird about names since I changed my last name, for a variety of reasons but mainly because it suited me better. I am attached to my last name because I made it up. It’s so personal to me, since it had nothing to do with family or lovers, just my own identity. So if I am ever put into a marriage, or a civil union, (although I don’t really ever see that day coming) I would be reluctant to change my last name. One, because I like it. Two, because I do not approve of the tradition of taking someone else’s family name (I dislike how one-sided it is). I probably would only change it if the other person’s name was awesome, and I mean awesome. I think ideally, I’d love to make up a name together.

The responsibility of power, and the duty of it, actually reminds me of The Little Prince. The part with the fox. That chapter comes the closest to my conceptions of love and friendship, taming and love, and duty and responsibility. The connection between them could be from the way I was raised. No Hollywood romances, but families bound by duty. I knew love, as awesome as it can be, also had a lot of power and responsibility. You become responsible for what you have tamed, or what has chosen to be tamed by you–whether or not you chose it. I think that’s the funny thing about power, and control (a series of conversations I seem to perpetually be having), it’s the responsibility that comes with it…regardless of your choice in the matter. I suppose the only choice you do have is what you do with it, and how kind and compassionate you are to others. You may not even know why you have that power over someone else (or multiple someone else’s) but the fact is you do. You can try to deter them. You can be as honest as you can to them about your situation or your lack of interest in their love or the power they give you. I doubt that’ll do much, really. What can you do is be kind, and try to make them understand that they do not have to give you that power. That they should spend it on someone else. Then again, you could always chose never to wield that power. Never to abuse or use it. But isn’t power and control so delicious?