New Career Choice?

“My vibrator just died at the most ill timed moment imaginable. I think you are perhaps the only person in my life who a) would not be freaked out by this text and b) truly feel for how much that really sucks. Sigh.”

The above is a text message I got from a friend of mine last week. Last week I also had a bunch of other people message/call/email me on the topic of sex. While I get fielded this questions fairly regularly (I do suppose I know a fair bit), last week was just a higher frequency than normal.

The conversations ranged from practical concerns such as advice about certain performances and their safety (or their enhancements), to more cerebral questions such as ideal partners, and the link between good dance-partner to good sex-partner, or how some people get mistaken for being a top/dominant in the bedroom, just because they take on leadership roles (people make that mistake about me fairly often, without knowing about my masochism). Other topics included how to talk about sex with their partners, how to understand and accept one’s fetishes (as well as figure them out), to just say “I really love sex. I just wanted to say that. I just wanted to talk to someone about it. Thanks for listening” ..and so on.

Don’t get me wrong. I love discussing both sex-and sensuality. I’m a lover, after all. I do try to understand and research as much as I can, so that I can give people the best information possible. So it’s not that I mind people coming to me (I enjoy most conversations), I just felt bad that they always said that they have no one else to discuss this with. That no one else would actually listen, comfortably, and if not commiserate, at least not judge.

Not for the first time in my life, I’m wondering if I should pursue a career in sex therapy. I know, years of work, but that doesn’t bother me, psych fascinates me, and I was going to major in it in college, but my mother said she wouldn’t give me a penny for it. Regardless, I don’t think I’d be too shabby at it.

Well, if NGO’s don’t work out…

Assumptions

I think lots of people mistake me as dominant in the bedroom because I am so assertive outside of it. I have a leader personality. I take charge when people are fussing about. If it has to be done, I can do it, and well, and bring others into it.

Yet, the bedroom is not the same for me.

I’m still pretty fiery, but really, I’m just trying to see who will stand up to me and try to tame me.

I’m the fox.

I used to be embarrassed about my desires when I was younger. I thought there was something wrong with me. I think most of us believe this at some point or another. We feel we have been wired wrong.

I was embarrassed at how much I enjoyed being submissive. I felt guilty about it. I thought I was being a bad woman. A bad feminist. Just bad bad bad. But I began to understand that pleasure works differently.

It took me a long time to accept who I am, and who and what I enjoy.

 

Let’s all try and be careful about our assumptions, who knows what we could be missing out on?

Why Porn Amuses Me: Reason Number 4674536

While the girl’s insides are getting a very thorough and often painful and uncomfortable looking massage…she keeps shooting us, the audience, looks. As if asking us to do better. As if going, “Why aren’t you here?”

It’s one of the things that I see porn stars have in common with models. Even though their bodies are contorted and shoved full of strange things…they still manage to have calm, serene, bored, drugged, relaxed faces…with eyes that look at you, question, as if expecting you to do something. For them? With them? To them? I don’t know.

They seems like cats to me. They can be fully engaged in something, like licking their hoodads, but then they will stop and look at you, bored and uninterested, legs still totally spread eagle, and then go back to what they were doing. Occasionally, they will look at you again. Totally indifferent.

I think this is why I prefer dogs.